Daniel_Luke's Xanga

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Thu, 06 Apr 2006 00:54:53 GMT

JOCEY AND I ARE GOING TO PROM.

Man, This fucka ain't been updated in a while...

Mon, 20 Mar 2006 03:55:45 GMT

Hey dudes. I'm sorry I havent been around!

Uh, right now I'm hard at work on the film club movie from the variety show (I wrote it and now I have to direct it too) and other neato stuff.

Anyway, I'll be back really soon to talk about things and stuff. I have some cool news, over the summer I'll be taking improv classes at both Second City and the I.O. It's kind of like, fated to be I guess (My mom told me to take classes there, my dad asked me about, and finally some dude at work randomly asked me if i'd take classes with him there)

Its going to be cool stuff, I hope you all are well. This year has been awesome for me and I'll be back with new short stories and articles and stuff really soon!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Tue, 14 Mar 2006 02:41:03 GMT

oh. FUCKING HEY GUYS.

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Thu, 16 Feb 2006 14:08:00 GMT

A while back (About a year ago) I started experimenting with this stuff called "free form writing" something I made up to pass the time in Creative Writing.

It was like this: You just type.

Whatever, whatever it was that flowed out of your insane head, whatever it was that you thought of right on the spot, you just typed it there.

Anyway, I found this on my hinsdale south local hard drive and thought it was pretty awesome, check it out:

HOW MANY SILLY ROBOTS DOES IT TAKE TO BLOW UP THE EARTH?

I’M NOT SURE! ARE YOU? HAHAHAHHAHAHAH. WHOA.

HEY YOU’RE OUT OF HAND.

YOU’RE SO BLAND. YOU’RE THE MAN.

HOW MANY SILLY RABBITS DOES IT TAKE TO FILL A FOREST?

THEY MATE. AND MATE. AND MATE. AND MATE. LIKE DRUNK TEENAGERS.

HOW MANY ENCHANTED TEA KETTLES DOES IT TAKE TO TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE? Five.

HOW MANY MULES DOES IT TAKE TO ACCOMPLISH A TRANSATLANTIC FLIGHT ON A TRACTOR?

MY HARD-DRIVE CRASHED IT’S A MAXTOR. I CALL MY FRIEND JOHNNY BAXTOR, HE OWNS A STORE GOIN’ IN THROUGH THE BACKS DOOR. HEY. HEY. HEY. HEY. HEY.

THE ENCHANGED LOLLIPOP MEADOWS ARE YEARNING FOR YOUR PRESENCE. JOIN US AND THE UNICORNS AS WE MAKE OUR WAY INTO THE WHITE SNAKE CONCERT. I DON’T LIKE THE STRAIGHT JACKET. I REALLY DON’T.

MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE. AND YOU. SHOULD FEEL. BELITTLED. ASHAMED. DEFLIED. ROMAINE. I am your apple. Wapple. Grapple stapple happle.

Snapple is made of 100% Fruit Juice.

AND THEY MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE

V8 juice tastes like dying

AND THEY MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE

And the sun sets leaving all eggs frying

AND THEY MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE

And in the end when In bed I am lying

AND THEY MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE AND MATE

I will.. I will… I will… do your remember buying?

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Wed, 18 Jan 2006 00:08:53 GMT

This Online Journal is a public forum for the individual that can only be known as Dan Luke.

He is a burnt out kid who is going to liberal arts college to become a writer and musician, because he sucks at school and sports.

He has yellowish-golden (note: its been fading) hair, which was originally dyed this strange red color. His natural hair color is vanilla.

His parents are both republican. He however, is a liberal due to the fact that he watches the daily show every night.

He sometimes posts terrible short stories here. No one cares.

He often in the "foot massage womanly orgasm technique", always wear socks around him (when asked how to do this technique he responds, "AN-CHENT CHIN-HEESE SHEEK-RET, and then cackles "HO HO HO" merrily).

He is working on a soundtrack to a movie that probably won't exist.

He dosen't have a girlfriend.

He is working on a concept album that is really friggin' raw... or terrible

He will be forced to shave his head into a mo-hawk so he isn't called a "fuckin' faggot" when he attends colombia college next year.

He is trying to find out what he is supposed to be, where he is supposed to be, and why he is supposed to be.

He sometimes eats strawberry sour patch kids, using money he mugged from the homless.

He wants your children.

He once mugged Aunt Jemimah and kicked her ribs in unknowingly.

He stores all of his toe-nail clippings in an old peanut butter container, when asked why, he simply responds "Pickles" and then laughs manically like a crackhead.

He has a father, this father owns a Golden Tee machine. Sometimes late a night he'll hear his father saying "YEEE-HAW, DANGOLDPARFOURDINGDOGGGGG!". He often contemplates jumping out a window after this.

This Online Journal is a public forum for the individual that can only be known as Dan Luke.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Tue, 10 Jan 2006 15:27:53 GMT

BANNED STINGER COMMENTARY:

The Decadence of the Man Beard.

By Dan Luke

Greetings Stinger readers, please allow me to introduce myself. I am Daniel K. Luke and I am someone who is going to do things a little differently. That’s right, I’m not going to force feed you any four page commentaries on how animals are the spawn of Satan, or attempt to amuse you with strange anecdotes saying “how my father was a beet farmer and that’s why I’m a republican,” here. Instead, I will bring the integrity back to this paper by presenting the facts, and alerting the masses of present, dangerous threats. Because this, my fellow brethren, is what you deserve.

So, all well written introductions aside, I bring you to the vital core of this commentary: Man Beards.

No, not the stupid pathetic little fuzzy ones you and I attempt to grow on a daily basis. I’m talking about full on MAN BEARDS (or other facial hair). Now, almost everyone at Hinsdale South has felt the wrath of Mr. Jarrod Amolsch’s radical triangular beard, or has experienced the fury of Christopher Tripp’s simply gorgeous moustache… but for those who still have yet to experience these MAN BEARDS (or other radical facial hair), may find that this opportunity is being stripped from you by “the man.”

That’s right, Hinsdale South’s administration is executing a mass genocide of male facial hair. November 1^st, 2005, Mr. Jarrod Amolsch of the Physically Education department was physically force to shave off his signature beard. This, clearly, is a step in the wrong direction. As a community we should embrace MAN BEARDS (or other facial hair), and as civilized people we need to being taking the next necessary step… enforcing them.

That’s right, I’m putting it all on the table right now. All male teachers (And female too I suppose, if they opt to) should henceforth be forced to either grow facial hair or opt to wear a beard wig. This isn’t anything radically new or different; in fact, did you know that the founding fathers wore white wigs when they fought Napoleon and his ninjas? Back then, these wigs were worn to maintain dignity, order, and respect. And it worked too.

All students fell naturally inclined to respect men (or women for that matter) with intense facial hair (a.k.a. MAN BEARDS). I don’t know about you, but when I see a dude with a beard (or other facial hair), I automatically respect him. In my head I see vivid visions of him driving his jeep into the vast wilderness, only to eat deer jerky, wear flannel, shoot elk, and chop down lumber with his giant broad shoulders. It should also be noted that I am not the only one who has these visions, as referenced in a recent study by Bill Nye.

As a people we need to respect and cherish MAN BEARDS (and facial hair). MAN BEARDS need to be preserved, not butchered. Bring back the MAN BEARDS Mrs. Geocaris… bring back the man beards.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Mon, 09 Jan 2006 05:34:14 GMT

shazirulz: to be the man, u gotta beat the man
shazirulz: i beat the man.
Dan Lukes Asian: Haha.
Dan Lukes Asian: Damn boy.
*** Auto-response from shazirulz: To be the man, u gotta beat the man. I beat the man.
Dan Lukes Asian: I'd say 'kindly escorted the man out,' but your way sounds more epic.
shazirulz: for sure
Dan Lukes Asian: Christ. While we're on the subject, I beat my man every night.
shazirulz: ahaha

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 02:54:43 GMT

Life Update #7:

All women are easy, just stick your tongue in that little spot behind their ears.

Monday, January 02, 2006

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 07:19:10 GMT

Life Update #6

So uh, a little while back I mentioned that this year I'm taking on the ambitious project of doing an entire solo concept album...

Yeah, its finally off the ground, and I've been hard at work on it (it's terribly difficult doing it by myself). Using really wet, basic beat Drum Machines from the computer (live drums for some tracks), a '74 ibanez stratocaster, a Fender Stereocaster, and a Fender Precision Bass.

Everything runs into my Boss ME-50 and then(microphone too!) into this tiny four track I have set up. Which records this fuzzy lo-fi kind of sound, and honestly, I really like it.

Its going to be fun for sure, I mean, I'm not planning on touring Europe with it or some ridiculous shit like that. I'm just doing it to say "This is who I am, and this is what I'm capable of at this point in my life."

Here are some pictures of the crappy little recording setup I have for this basic four track outline of it:

You can see (From Left) The instruments I'm using (I want a keyboard really bad...), The Boss ME-50 thing I use to process, and finally, the little guy I have that records all of this stuff.

Anyway, hope everyone had a nice newyear, new short stories shall arrive soon.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 05:53:09 GMT

Does anyone realize how crazy the movie industry has gotten?

I think we that finally we might just start seeing some quality releases often. I mean, sure, we have occasional awesome flicks on a yearly basis, but nothing thats ever really that groundbreaking or unusual (For this year, by the way, my vote goes to 'The Squid and The Whale' which is raw and totally uncompromising).

But the dry spell we've seen with films seems to finally be going away.

'Hostel' looks neat, its supposed to be intense, and inredibly graphic, something that american horror movies lost a long time ago (I blame Wes Craven and his crappy 'Scream' movies). Frank Miller has stated that he wants to make FIVE Sin City movies (Fucking AWESOME. But at the same time I'm a little worried that the concept might get stale, and that would suck).

The new Batman sequel won't be out until 2008. That fuckin' blows. And 'Grind House' (A new Tarentino/Rodriguez joint), is going to be fucking awesome (for those of you that remain uneducated as to what this is, basically Tarentino and Rodriguez each shot and wrote their own 60 minute movie, then put them together with fake trailers and stuff inbetween... genius).

It looks like creativity and quality are finally raping the corporate machine that is hollywood, but then again, I guess we'll see.

Also, if you haven't seen 'The Squid and The Whale' do so, its wonderful and proves that Jeff Daniels (Yes the dude from Dumb and Dumber) is a wonderful actor.

Anyway, yeah, its late and I was just browsing IMDB.com and getting excited so I broke away from the whole 'no update thing' (although I AM having tantric sex with my girlfriend)

ps. I have to work 24.5 hours this week, how fuckin' lame is that.. I usually work like, 12, and that KILLS ME.

Oh...yeah, new content or something soon? If you guys are good I'll show you the commentary that the stinger wouldn't print (the pigfuckers said it was 'too controversial).

Alright, have a nice new year.

Love,

Dan